Grandma's Funeral

In March my only living grandparent past away after struggling with Bronchitis and just old age. She was such a sweet woman who lived an exciting life and had millions of kids and grand kids... there were so many relatives at the funeral and she had something like 31 or so grand kids. It was crazy to see everyone together, but it was really sad as well.

I'm scared of death but it was peaceful to see her joined with her husband who died in his 50's. I think she was ready to move on to her next big adventure.

Pictures

So I have a lot of pictures that I haven't blogged about out of lack of time, so here are a few:



Chris cooking in our old apartment in his underwear. I wanted to show a funnier one but didn't want to make anyone mad at me :)

This is the view from our condo in Tahoe... I know its pretty late to blog about spring break.

This is a picture of us driving to Tahoe probably stopping in northern Nevada because of the Burger King incident.

We the Living

There is always a sense of the possibilities of life in Ayn Rand's novels, but in this novel which she has titled as the closest work to an autobiography, that sense of hope for life wasn't always there. I was surprised by the ending and the fate of the protagonist. She was brimming with perseverance and you could see the greatness in her, but the idea of the collective truly won in this book. I was also surprised that the main character Kira attached herself to a man named Leo. Ayn Rand's novels do include sexuality (its part of everybody's life) but in this novel Kira held onto an individual who was turning more and more pathetic with each passing day. I was surprised that Kira didn't free herself from him earlier in the novel. However, you do see the love that they share for each other even at the end. I was left with a trembling sense of loss when I finished this book and although I love reading Ayn Rand's works I am glad for an emotional break.

YAY!

So after reading Blake and Lauryn's blog I realized I had completely forgotten about the Praxis test. I passed! I am so happy that I can check that off for graduation requirements! Thanks Lauryn for posting about it.

Colony Girl

I found this book outside of Hastings in their bargain shelves and thought.. why not. It was interesting to say the least. It is based on a fictional religious cult and one girl who is struggling with adolescent hormones and finding her own way in the world. I thought the book could go anywhere really, but it went in the way of sex. It was very sexual in its scenes, and overall theme. I was surprised by some of the "logic" that came through the characters. It always had a perverted religious tone, that was so worldly you'd assume the colony would break apart in the end. Surprise, Surprise! The religious cult is still intact and the main character goes to New York in a leased Camaro (that's all I got out of the book, besides a few days of entertainment)...

The Falls

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book. Some of the images that Oates creates are a little horrific... and perversely sexual, but they somehow make the theme stronger. Its critiqued as a modern discussion of the American family and I agree to some respect. I didn't tie the constant influence of suicide to the American family. Maybe my understanding of my family and some others close to me didn't have a lot of issues with suicide. It was just such a large element of the story I couldn't keep the American family in mind. The relationship inside the family were really interesting to read about in this novel. The characters are so developed and seemingly consistent in the novel you are torn as a reader to either love or hate them. The mother (Ariah) is one such character that you respect with every fiber of your being, but detest for her emotional and psychological mind games on her children. The fact that history does repeat itself truly is an unique element in the novel that also allows for such thick foreshadowing, anyone can guess the next step in the plot. I would recommend this novel to anyone, but it wasn't my favorite Oates novel. I'd still give that prize to The Gravedigger's Daughter. Rebbecca was just such a strong female character, I constantly think... now what would Rebbecca do?

My New Favorite Phrases

So Chris and I have been in Idaho Falls for about a week now and my new favorite phrase is "Idaho Sucks." We found a great apartment the day before we moved up which was a load off and Larry was kind enough to help us move. Everything was set in motion, but I still haven't been able to transfer through Walmart or find a new job. Walmart is one call after the next. I spend probably 30 minutes everyday with a different person trying to get my transfer through. I've gone into the Ammon Walmart twice to verify that I completed the transfer request correctly. If the system isn't working the managers have this great skill of blaming the employee... Walmart standard of course. I am about ready to give up but I need a job. I've had two jobs for the past two years or so and now all I have is the empty apartment, a few hours with Chris daily, and the internet. I've been reading some great books, but I just don't get why I am not appealing for employers on paper. I've submitted my resume two at least a dozen different companies and haven't heard anything from anyone. Not one single phone call. I thought Idaho Falls would be a chance to get out of my retail slump but it seems like Walmart (if it ever goes through) will be my damning saving grace. Crazy how that works. I am a mindless blob while working for Walmart, but now I pray that I'll be able to start working soon. Life is ironic, and karma is a bitch. I just don't know what exactly I did to deserve it. However, I could take the other road and claim that humans are not pawns to fate, but rather the determiner of our fate. To be in control would be great, but I honestly don't see it happening.

I have also been emailing the English Chair of Education Dr. Gantt to find out anymore information on my last English credit, and she is useless. The best she can give me is... "at the end of May we might have some information." She denied the possibility of a directed studies course over the summer stating "professors don't agree because they don't get paid" but the douche is the instructor for an online directed studies course... She has to be getting paid for it if its a collectively organized online course that students can sign up for. It would have worked perfectly but somehow she thinks waiting for an online course would be better. I feel like perhaps if I go into her office blubbering or screaming at the top of my lungs she might have listened. But I'd end up in the hospital. It seems like a lost cause, but alas to graduate I need to pester someone into a decision and I've set my sights on Dr. Gantt.

Sitting at home day after day getting a few meaningless tasks done doesn't help my psychological state or my happiness in Idaho. Perhaps God has given me this down time to work out all my emotional contradictions, but I'm just creating more. So the next time you see me, if I have a shaved head and 50 facial piercings you'll know what I filled my down time with.